I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
