I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
high people should be assigned attendants
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
