You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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