Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
