dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We have started to decorate penises.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
