$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
