Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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