i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
