Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
