we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said âEat Freshâ while his GF was with him. FML
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