But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
