is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
