i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
