Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
