Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
