I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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