I got chris browned last night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
