if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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