yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Say something about gay babies.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
