Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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