Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You have to summon your inner elephant
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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