he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
