how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
