K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize