Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
