My hair reeks of homosexuality.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize