I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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