smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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