I wish my penis had an off switch
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
