Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I did not marry a roomba.
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