i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
