i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
