Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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