The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
