It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
