so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
