This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize