Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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