mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
