This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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