come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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