i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
