The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
