just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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