Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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