im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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