When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
