My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
