I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
