She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
