When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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