Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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