It's Friday. Sex?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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