I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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