Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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