You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
