Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize