the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Randomize
