the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
