K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize