Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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