you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
