Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
