I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
