hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
