oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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