We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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