I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
