thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize