He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
