you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize