we're chasing vodka with high fives
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
