I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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