omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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