I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
