I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
