So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize