Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
