Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
