I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
