I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
