I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
