She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
