..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
