Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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